Clumsy God

Indonesia consists of hundreds of different ethnic groups, and I come from an ethnic group called Sundanese. Today, I want to share a Sundanese folklore figure, his name is Kabayan. He is described as an intelligent and philosophical middle-aged man but clumsy, lazy, and goofy. The story is always in the form of a sitcom conversation with his children, wife, in-laws, or neighbors, similar to Socrates. So, one of my favorite stories of this Sundanese Socrates is when he asks his children to fetch water from the river.

Once upon a time, in a far far Sunda land, there lived Kabayan with his two children. They lived in a small hut on top of the hill with a river in the valley. Seeing that his two children could help with household chores, he asked the brother and sister to fetch water from the river every morning. The brother has stronger hands and balance, so the water he carries never spills. Meanwhile, his younger sister was not strong enough to hold a bucket full of water. So, she spilled a lot of water on the way and left the bucket half full. Even sometimes, she was too focused on the water and didn’t pay attention to the road. She stumbled, spilled all the water, and went back to the river by herself.

One week later, the sister refused to do any chores. With a grumpy face, she complained to her father, "I don't want to do it anymore!" Kabayan asked her, "Why?" She replied, "Every chore, my bucket is not as full as my brother's. Look at my hand! My hand is not as big as my brother's, and I think I'm clumsy." Hearing her daughter say that, Kabayan feels sad, "Hey, little miss, I'm sorry if you feel that way. Could you please just try one more week? Then you'll see a difference." With still grumpy face, she answered, “Okay.”

The following week, Kabayan found his daughter kicking his bucket. He asked, "What's wrong?" His daughter replied, "You said there would be a difference. The water is still spilled, and the bucket is never as full as my brother's." Then Kabayan asked his daughter to look out the window and asked, "You always take the right side, and your brother takes the left, right?" She replied, "How do you know?" Kabayan answered, "Your brother may do the chores well, but you share life. The water that spills from your bucket becomes the source of life for the soil, the plants, and the flowers along the road. That's why more flowers grow along the path you pass. " The daughter was amazed, "whoah! So I'm not clumsy!" "No, you're still clumsy, but it's okay," said Kabayan.

In the parable of the sower of seeds, if we only focus on the soil, we will be encouraged to categorize ourselves and others. Am I good soil? Am I in a good community? If not, then what should I do? Could it be that someone else made me not a good soil? After categorizing, the next trap is arrogance, assuming we are the good soil and others are not, or unworthiness, feeling like we are wasting the seeds that have been sown. No matter how hard you try to be good, still, the thorns choke you with painful memories.

My ancestor’s folklore, the Kabayan story, helped me to see this parable. If we focus on the sower, then the parable is all about how gracious the Kingdom of God is. No matter how good or bad we are as soil, we still receive the seeds! Perhaps the sower is clumsy, and how do I know? Only a clumsy person who walks with continuously spilled seeds, and even he didn't realize it after passing through so many different soils. Can you imagine how clumsy he is? But I’m grateful for his clumsiness and recklessness, so a person like me still receives the seeds.

Our understanding and our picture of God are important, especially in the ability to be reckless or clumsy. Meanwhile, the strict God has always been in Christianity through centuries since the beginning and depicts God as omnipotent, all-power, and almighty. If so, the same almighty God might be strict in the requirements and standards of his people. We need God who reckless in love. We need God who can be clumsy in accepting his beloved creation. Then, the clumsy God could be a resistance to a strict dictatorship, ability or performance-based acceptance, and everything that we assume as normal.

The clumsy God never keeps the seed just for the good soil, he travels through the cities and villages. Jesus knows the law that he shouldn’t walk in public with women who have no rights, but he recklessly hangs out with Mary, Joanna, Chuza, Susana, and many others. The stiff curtain that reveals the Kingdom of God, at that very moment, unrevealed by clumsiness.

While our senior pastor is in Malawi right now, let’s talk a little bit about him. One day, in a bible study, I once disagreed with Rev. Garry. The bible study was exactly about the parable of the sower. His focus is on the different soils as a journey. Imagine if we walk to our community garden, pass the parking lot, then we find the field—the squirrel's playground, then a rocky entrance of the community garden, then the good and fertilized soil finally. Passing many different soils is like a passage of life. Sometimes, we feel unworthy. Sometimes, we feel worthy but still don’t understand what God wants with us. And sometimes, we are sure enough what God wants in our lives. And the next day, sometimes, we are not sure again.

 As a clumsy Sundanese, of course, I disagree. I told him about the danger of categorizing the soils, and that parable is all about gracious God. He just smiled at me and respected my disagreement. I assume he is a Kirkegaardian who believes every trembling moment of life is a leap of faith, which I also appreciate. I guess we leave it to agree to disagree.

Now, in the midst of injustice, war, and violence, where are the seeds? How do we find the seeds in North Lebanon and Ukraine? How do we find the sower in Hong Kong's protest for their freedom? What would the sower do when 75% of the wildlife population is decreased globally?

I guess Rev. Garry is right. Sometimes, we are hopeful, and sometimes, we are not. Sometimes, the beauty of the world lures us to protect the one who needs it, and sometimes, we need to embrace something painful. Yet, may God always give us the seed recklessly so we can live in freedom. Amen