Decolonizing Myself

Personally, the book of Jonah is my favorite from the Old Testament. Since childhood, my Sunday school teacher taught the story of Jonah with a simple song. "Yunus di perut ikan, pam-pam-pam. Karena Tuhan, mengasihinya, hingga dimuntahkannya." Okay, let me translate it for you. "Jonah in the belly of a fish, pam-pam-pam. Because of God, loves him so much, the fish vomited him out." Even before I was able to read, I already understood that the story of Jonah was about how God loves, forgives, and liberates. However, when I could read, grow up, and enter a seminary, I read again the book of Jonah, and wait a minute...This is very dark. Why does my Sunday school teacher never tell me about the last chapter? I know and completely understand the last chapter of the book of Jonah emphasizing how much God loves the people of Nineveh, and we have no right to doubt it. Okay. But what’s wrong with Jonah? Isn’t he just being authentic?

Tim Keller interprets why Jonah ran away from God's call to invite the people of Nineveh to repent because he was an intensely patriotic and highly partisan nationalist. He places nationalism above God. Nineveh, the capital of the Assyrian Empire, was the enemy of Israel at that time. The Assyrian Empire, again, at that time, was notoriously brutal at war, and they did not hesitate to humiliate the defeated. Jonah knew that if he went to Nineveh, he would miss the chance for his notoriously brutal and evil rival to be punished by God and minimize the possibility of his people being colonized and brutalized. Even though it is ethically unacceptable, we can at least understand a little why Jonah ran away from God.

            To be honest, as an Indonesian, preaching at Sunday service, on the week of American Independence Day, is not that easy. I might not know the history of American independence well enough and how you grew up as a nation. However, I can talk about how I view the independence of my country. So, our first president, Sukarno, once said, "My struggle is easier because we are against colonizers, but your struggle will be more difficult because you will be against your own people." He said this as a reminder that freedom must always be fought for and, sometimes, the threat does not always come from other nations but from our own people.

            I believe that colonialism is still happening today; it just doesn't take the form it did before. Colonialism, a long time ago, perhaps, a country devouring another country. Colonialism today, perhaps, takes the form of a social system that makes a person believe that they are not worthy enough, not beautiful enough, or not capable enough to have hope. Colonialism today, perhaps, conditioning us to be greedy for more, and more, and more until gratitude and enough become something less familiar. Colonialism today is, perhaps, an internalization that it is okay to take someone else's agency.

            On the other hand, decolonization is an act of undoing colonialism. It tries to dismantle the remains of imperial power at every level, especially the internalized one. According to Frantz Fanon, colonialism takes control of the weakness and inferiority that is inherent in the colonized. Therefore, to dismantle this inferiority complex, one must realize that “I am in relationship with myself” because colonialism has disconnected us from ourselves.

            There is a reason why I prefer “decolonizing myself” instead of “decolonize myself.” I realize that dismantling our internal colonialism is a never-ending commitment. It is a spiritual journey, traveling into our chambers of soul. Like Jonah, after he did what God wanted, he went out of the city and sat down east of the city, from the center into the margin. Jonah sat under it in the shade, waiting to see what would become of Nineveh. He re-calibrated his moral compass, his nationalism, his patriotism, his anger, his humanity, his dignity. He traveled to the chambers of his soul, from the deep belly of the fish into the deep of his heart. Jonah, the traveling prophet, at least, tried to decolonize himself.

            Happy belated Fourth of July. On this Sunday after Independence Day, may we decolonizing ourselves as a spiritual journey to our chambers of soul. “For freedom, Christ has set us free. We are called to love our neighbor as ourselves” (Gal. 5). Amen.