Evil Eyes and Cold Shoulders Don't Work

I was surprised when the book I wrote about anger, angered some people. Not all. Not many, but then not many people read the book. But it did anger a few. If I asked about it, the angered reader generally got angrier. So I didn't press.

              My best guess was a matter of justification. Arguing, exploring the idea of what it means to be slow to anger, something God is often called in the Old Testament, (God who is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love), what I sought to convey was not how we should never be angry or how anger is never justifiable or sensible, but if I were to guess when drawing from the Buddhist tradition I referred to anger as a poison this implied those who are angry are poisoning themselves.  I could see how such a path could lead to frustration or anger as taking poison does not suggest a good choice and thus a justifiable one.

              I also found there are some people who love their anger.  Challenging it, then, upset them.  Anger gets things done, helps people get their way.  All of us have said at some point, "don't get him angry"; or "better leave this alone or she will get mad."  People use anger as a form of intimidation or threat.  I am pretty sure many people heard a parent shout over their shoulder, "if you kids don't cut it out, I am pulling this car over" or the threat offered up a flight of stairs, "don't make me come up there."  Both threats suggest, you are making me mad, keep it up and there will be dire consequences.

              In Buddhism there are three poisons of the soul, three forms of destruction keeping us in darkness.  Anger, desire, delusion.  It is telling how when Jesus taught the people on the mount, offered his sermon, the first teaching and the second teaching about how we are to live, what we are to do and not do, the first two were anger and lust, lust being a form of desire. Many people have seen this as a deep connection, a parallel between the teachings of the Buddha and Jesus. 

              In my little book I explored Jesus' teaching about anger and then the five teachings following it.  What I suggested is how mastering anger is a first step toward freedom.  If you can master anger, then you can move toward lust, and then disdain; if you can master anger, lust, and disdain, then delusion, vengeance and love of the enemy could follow.  But and this was an important caveat, but if you don't master the first three, there is no chance of the second set.  If you don't master anger, you will never master vengeance; if you don't master lust, you will never find the power to love the enemy.

              What I mean by mastering anger is this.  You see it as a choice, a choice amongst many, and you learn to make a better choice when you are frustrated or hurt or threatened or disappointed.  Anger has three primal triggers: fear, shock, and unmet expectations.  When we experience these, and we all do, there is no way to avoid them, when we experience these, you can learn to see anger as an unhelpful choice, destructive.  A poison we need not take.

              The key to this is learning to slow down.  Consider how often when driving anywhere in the state of New Jersey you are led to shout terrible things at other drivers.  Threatened or surprised or simply deluded into an unrealistic expectation of basic driving decorum and in a rush of emotion, primal instinct you get angry. Someone cuts you off, flies past you going insanely fast, skips the merge line to get ahead.  You see these infractions and you shout your displeasure.  The choice of anger happens so fast, so quickly, it feels instinctive, without choice.

              The first key to anger is to see it always as a choice.  Seeing anger as a choice we remove the claim of "you made me angry" or "this made me so mad."  You remove these because being made to do something, forced, coerced removes the element of choice.  We choose; no one makes us angry.

              The second step of mastery is to no longer see anger as productive, constructive, positive.  Anger is only destructive.  To live in this truth is the second step of mastery.  Not hard to understand, just hard to live.  We want to give people the evil eye, the stink eye, the look.  You know what I am talking about.  We believe we control people with our eyes.  We curse with our eyes and shout with our eyes.  We do.  And we believe this will shape an offender's behavior in a positive direction.  If you give someone the stink eye, they will behave.  We fixed them.

              The cold shoulder, silent treatment, the freeze out, the throat clear, the slow measured flat responses in mono-syllables all meant to convey, you were bad, you did wrong and I am mad with you, but I will not lose my cool or shout at you or thrash out at you, but I will slowly, calmy, with a heavy sense of disdain treat you as if you were not in the room, not worthy of note, not someone to be cared for.  This is how it works.  Right?  We fix people this way. No.  I should say it doesn't work in a positive way.  Nothing good comes from a cold shoulder.  Doesn't work.

              The third form of mastering anger is when we see and value better choices.  Kindness, compassion, mercy, hope, these have a much greater chance of restoring a relationship or rebuilding trust than anger.  Do they work like magic?  No.  But when you begin to see the alternative choices, better choices, then anger starts to fade, lose its alure as impulse or reflex or instinct.  This is neurological and theological.  Love conquers all. This is a theological claim.  If you chose love instead of anger, you are much more likely to be free in life, to leave the darkness, conquer evil.  And if you chose compassion instead of anger, you will begin to rewrite neural pathways in your brain.  When compassion becomes a habit you build and anger a habit you discard, you will be born anew.  Take on a new way of living.

              The final step of mastering anger is not for the faint of heart.  Jesus offers this step in his teaching about vengeance.  If someone strikes your cheek, offer the other; if someone asks for your cloak, you offer your coat as well; if someone asks for a small inconvenience, you make a sacrifice for them.  And then he says, do not resist the evil doer.  Again, not for the faint of heart.

              This final step is very difficult because to master this we must understand what is evil.  Not what we don't like or our opinions and their opposition or what bugs us or repulses.  To understand evil you need to reckon with the depth of our brokenness, a radical level of honesty and humility and transparency all lived in courage, bravery.  This is daunting because you must be bold enough to trust justice will prevail, doing good will overcome the darkness.  Like the path of Micah: do justice, love mercy, walk humbly.  Yes, yes, yes.  But do such believing the power of the good, the power of beauty, the power of truth will prevail.  Not easy.  Cynicism is so much easier. 

              In Mark there is one instance where Jesus is angry.  Mark records a moment where Jesus is angry with the foolishness of his disciples.  He is frustrated and his frustration gives way to anger.  Luke, no mention of anger. Matthew, no mention of Jesus angry.  Just Mark.  When I teach this in a class, almost on cue, someone will say, "no, that's wrong.  Jesus was angry when he cleared the temple."        

               I encourage the challenger to read our passage today.  Jesus drives out the money changers, tells the people this temple should be a house of prayer, not a den of thieves. Then I ask, where does it say he is angry?  I offer this carefully because usually the one who challenged the lack of anger gets frustrated and angry.  I suggest we can read anger in. We can suppose it, imagine it.  But the text doesn't say, in a fit of anger or filled with ire or in a rage he drove out the moneychangers. It's not there.  We can read it in, but such a reading is not in the text.

              If you keep reading in our passage today, you can find a plausible place for anger.  Just not with Jesus.  After this clearing of the temple the Pharisees were looking for a way to kill him. It doesn't not specifically say the Pharisees were angry, but I believe anger is a reasonable component in a plot to kill. There are numerous moments where the Pharisees are seen as angry, offended, filled with ire, but not Jesus.

              Anger is a choice, a poison, a form of destruction, a darkness in all of us.  After a few years of research and a few decades of contemplation, I can attest we are never completely free from anger.  It arises in us and we choose it.  But I can tell you, you can be slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.  Both. Consider the Community Dinners, the Food Pantry, Vacation Bible Camp, Habitat, elder care, the deacons, even the rummage sale, these are all ways and means of steadfast love.  As a community and congregation, we have mastered these.  We do such a good job people give us big van for free.  We have the steadfast love.  We do.  Slow to anger?  I say, yes, but with a condition.

              When I look out at the congregation I don't see an angry mob, a group ready with long knives.  No.  But being slow to anger is not just refraining from anger.  Such is only the first step of mastery.  The chances are very good we are yet holding on to anger, trusting it, believing it is justifiable, needed even.  The evil eye, stink eye, the look is yet a confidence.  The cold shoulder is yet an option. 

              Perhaps the greatest weakness of American Christianity, something we all struggle with, is how our faith becomes an intellectual or emotional acceptance of God.  We accept God as our Lord and savior; we call out to God in the sinner's prayer or in our correct Reformed confessions.  Yet, again and again, Jesus offered not an image of God or a loyalty test or a path of cultural purity.  What Jesus called for was the courage to leave our darkness, to live unto freedom, where we are beyond hatred beyond disdain beyond vengeance. A place where we become convinced evil eyes and cold shoulders just don't work. This place begins when we see anger as a bad choice.

              You can read anger into the clearing of the temple.  Not the worst interpretation.  Jesus is frustrated and angry with the abuse and the greed and he drives everyone out.  I am willing to say, sure.  But in the same breath I want to know why such anger needs to be read in.  I wish I could have asked people, why do you need Jesus to be angry here?

              Probably has to do with fear.  If we lose our anger, do we accept the wrong people have done?  If we lose the anger, do we become so vulnerable we are a likely victim again?  This unknown creates fear and fear is the root of anger.  Our God is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.  I want to live so free.  Don't you?  I want to live beyond fear as a choice.  Don’t you?  Amen.