From Doubt to Praise

The Second Sunday of Easter is an interesting day. On Easter Sunday, there is so much excitement. Easter Egg hunts for the kids, fancy clothes, fuller pews, gatherings with family and big dinners and seeing people that you may not have seen in a long time.  Oh, and of course, celebrating the resurrection of the risen Christ.

On Easter, we recall Mary Magdalene discovering Jesus’ empty tomb. We remember Peter and another disciple running to see for themselves when Mary comes to tell them the news. We read that Mary was the first to witness and recognize the risen Christ and that she shares this account with the disciples.

Today’s passage in John doesn’t start with joy and praise of the news of Jesus’ resurrection. Instead, we find the disciples have locked themselves in a house because they were afraid for their lives. It is unclear in the text if the disciples believed or if they doubted what Mary had told them. I imagine they may have been doubtful. Sure, they had seen Jesus bring people back from the dead and they had seen Jesus heal people from a wide array of diseases. But they had also just seen Jesus murdered and crucified, and they knew that their lives were also at risk.

I wonder if the disciples were afraid of Jesus returning to life and being confronted by him after they rejected and betrayed him.  Their guilt levels had to be enormous.  I can recall doing things as a kid, knowing full well that I should not have been doing them, and the feeling of guilt and anxiety leading up to the moment of confrontation by one of my parents or a friend or a sibling I had wronged. I can imagine the uncomfortable feeling might have been shared by the disciples as they hid wonder if Jesus was going to come back seeking vengeance for wronging him.

Well, we know that Jesus didn’t come back to seek vengeance, but at the time, that first Easter evening, the disciples did not know that. All they knew was that they publicly denied Jesus and then left him to die alone. Mercifully, Jesus did not return to seek vengeance, instead, he appears to the disciples in that locked house with the words, “Peace be with you.” No shame. No punishment. Just love and mercy. And the disciples rejoiced. Jesus was resurrected, and among them the relief they felt is palpable. They had done wrong but were forgiven anyway.

Jesus offers proof of his death and resurrection to those gathered without their prompting and their doubts are immediately replaced with praise. Jesus was among them, injuries and all, and then Jesus does something else unexpected. He breathes on the disciples, sharing with them the gift of the Holy Spirit, a mini Pentecost occurs right there, in that house, that first Easter evening.

The disciples received the gift of the Holy Spirit, as well as a charge, “Go and forgive others, as they have been forgiven.” Jesus forgives them of their fear and doubt granting them the ability to go and do likewise.

Poor Thomas wasn’t there when all that happened that first Easter evening. Have you ever missed a party, a trip, an event, and then a friend, probably well intentioned, brings it up in conversation? Maybe they say something like, “Oh, you should have been there. It was such a great time. You really missed out.” Sometimes, the people we love and respect, without meaning any harm, turn around and tell us about all the great, amazing things that we missed out on.

I imagine many, if not all of us, know what if feels like to be left out, excluded, miss out. “You should’ve been there,” can cut deep. Thomas missed out on Jesus’ first appearance to the group of disciples, and his friends did not hesitate to tell him exactly what he missed out on.

It doesn’t really sound that bad at first glance in the text but Greek is an interesting language. There are two types of past tense, I won’t get too technical, but one of them is for things that happened in the past and stayed in the past and the other is for things that happened in the past but then kept happening.  The second type of past tense is what is used here when John writes the words “So the other disciples told him we have seen the Lord.”

Now imagine this, Thomas arrives at the locked house and he was greeted and let in by the people that he is closest to. They make some small talk, maybe talk about the weather, and then someone says to him, “Thomas, you really missed it, Jesus was here. We saw him. You should have been here! Where were you man? We have seen the Lord!” But it doesn’t just end there. The Greek language implies that they kept saying things like this to him.

Poor, poor Thomas. And how does Thomas respond? “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger in his side, I will not believe.” There is doubt in those words, for sure. But it’s more than just doubt. There is also a sadness on missing out on what sounded like an amazing experience. Thomas longed to share in the other disciples’ joy and praise at the return of Jesus, but is unable to. Thomas doubts, and whether that doubt is because Thomas doesn’t believe that Jesus returned or because he doesn’t think he is worthy to see the resurrected Lord, it isn’t quite clear. All we know is that he has doubts and that Jesus ultimately calls him out for it.

When I first began my time at Seminary, I had doubts. I doubted my ability to do the work to finish the program. I doubted if I even belonged there. I remember sitting in orientation, talking with my peers and wondering if I made the right choice in moving down to Princeton to start graduate school. I knew I would be missing out on a lot. Many of my friends have gotten married and started families or established in their careers. While I kind of put off adulting for another few years, I didn’t know what I was being called to do when I would eventually graduate. I hadn’t studied Bible in undergrad, my parents weren’t preachers or missionaries and I had only been involved in ministry as a volunteer. Theology was scary enough word, without all of the theories, theologians, and doctrines that everyone already seemed to know so much about. I was tempted to leave before classes even began. I had so many doubts.

So how am I here, preaching today? Well, sometimes we need proof before we can fully believe something, before our doubts give way to praise.  For me this proof came at the first chapel service I attended at the seminary. The preacher that day began by saying something along the lines of “I know there are many of you today who are doubting if you belong here.  Let me be the first to tell you that you do, in fact, belong.” Immediately, all of my doubts melted away with those words spoken. I imagine Thomas’ doubts similarly vanished when he got his proof of the risen Lord. Not a vengeful, revenge seeking Jesus, but a forgiving Lord.

I was called out for my doubt in chapel four years ago. Thomas was called out for his doubt and he was even given the opportunity to touch the wounds as he had claimed he would need to do in order to believe. The artist, Caravaggio, painted a scene where Thomas does exactly that, he’s touching the wound in Jesus’ side. But this doesn’t happen in the text. Instead, we get a declaration from Thomas, “My Lord and my God!” Thomas moves from doubt to praise, revealing the mystery of Jesus to the disciples and to us.

John 20 doesn’t just end there either. Jesus goes on to say, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet come to believe. Growing up with non-religious friends, I’ve often been asked, “How can you believe in something you can’t see?”  I tend to think back to this passage and am reminded that you don’t always need to see in order to believe. Sometimes it’s certainly helpful to have that proof in front of you, like the proof I needed to be confident in my ability to get through seminary, or the proof that Thomas needed in order to truly believe that Jesus was alive and he was indeed worthy of being in Jesus’ presence again.

But we also didn’t have to be there when Jesus first appeared there to his disciples in that locked room. We didn’t have to be there when Jesus returned to the disciples when Thomas was finally present. We don’t have to touch the nails on Jesus’ hands or that wound on his side. This is the good news, that we don’t have to physically see Jesus in order to believe in the resurrection. Through the gift of the Holy Spirit given to the disciples and shared with each of us, the blessing to not see and yet still believe is available to us all. Praise the Lord. Amen.