Mundane Love

People always romanticize dying for love-Romeo and Juliet, tragic endings, "I would die for you" stuff. Well, I didn't grow up with William Shakespeare, but with the Titanic movie: Jack and Rose. A different story, same energy. In Titanic (1997), Jack's death happens in the icy waters of the North Atlantic after the ship has sunk. Jack and Rose are clinging to a piece of floating debris-a wooden panel that can only support Rose’s weight without tipping over. "I love you, Jack." Jack replied, "Don’t you say your goodbyes." "I’m so cold." "You're gonna get out from here. You're gonna die an old old lady warm in her bed. Not here. You must promise me that you’ll survive..." Then, Jack dies frozen. Sounds noble, right?

            I don’t know why Indonesian TV stations repeat this movie every year. The first and second time I watched this movie, I always cried in that scene. The third and fourth time, I just don’t buy it anymore. The fifth time? I started thinking: Maybe Jack doesn’t want to share a bathroom for 40 years.

            My point is, “I’d die for you” in fiction is easy. Fall into a sword, curtain closed, everybody cries. But to love in reality is harder: Arguing over what to watch on TV, who’s gonna unload the dishwasher, who’s gonna pick up the trash. Learning how to get sleep when someone snores? Come on. Love is cute, death is poetic, but the courage to live is something else.

            Actually, we can find the “I would die for you” in our second scripture reading, the conversation between Jesus and Peter. Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me?” Peter answered, “Yes, I do love you.” Then Jesus asked again, “Peter, do you love me?” Peter answered again, “Of course, I do love you.” When Jesus asked the same question for the third time, Peter might start thinking, “Do I not get the question, or Jesus doesn’t get my answer?”

            But if you take a look at the original language, you might see it clearer. The love Jesus used in his question is agape, while Peter answered with phileo. Well, in Greek, love has many kinds of words: agape, phileo, storge, and eros. And the Western tradition makes it in order or a hierarchy. The first one is agape, the unconditional love. The love that doesn’t ask for any requirements. Some believe only God can do agape. The second one is phileo, the love of neighbor, the spirit of friendship. The third one is storge, the love among family or between siblings. And the last one is eros, the love of lust.

            Let us focus only on the kinds of love in Jesus and Peter’s conversation, agape and phileo. As I mentioned earlier, agape is considered higher than phileo in Western tradition. However, if we remember what Jesus said in John 15:13-15, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends, You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant doesn’t know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” And Peter remembered this conversation. That’s why Peter used phileo.

            Yes, Peter also remembers the consequence of loving with this friendship love: Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. So, in other words, what Peter said is, “I would die for you, Jesus.”

            Now, let me paraphrase the conversation. Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me with agape?” Peter answered, “No, I would die for you.” Then Jesus asked again, “Peter, do you love me with unconditional love?” Peter answered again, “No, Jesus, I will give you more than that. I would be a martyr for you. If you want me to die right now, I’m 100% ready.” Then, Jesus asked for the third time, “So, you would like to die for me?” Peter said, “Finally, now we’re talking.”

            But we only discover one mystery in Jesus’ conversation with Peter. There is another one. As you can see, every time Peter answered the questions, Jesus always replied, “feed my lambs, tend my sheep, feed my sheep.” What does it mean?

            Imagine if your job is to take care of livestock: sheep, lambs, goat, camels, horses, and so on. What would you deal with every day? The livestock, of course. But also, feed them and ensure they are healthy. Make sure they are not stressful. Walk them around, stay in the sunlight. If they are thirsty, provide the water. Well, those are still the good parts, not until you deal with the dirt, the mud, the… I don’t know the proper way to say this… The remnants. Sometimes you deal with the sick, even the dead livestock. Everyday! And you will do such as this unseen, far away from the spotlight. There is no way you will be asked, “How much remnant did you take care of today?” “This big.” “Oh, wow, so cool.” Nobody does that.

            Now let’s get to the example. If you take a look at our bulletin cover, you might find two people are feeding the sheep. This is how we do it in Indonesia. The livestock pen is made of bamboo because it is the cheapest and most durable material for a livestock pen. But the question is, who is the real farmer here? Is he with the green shirt or the white shirt? You must be have no idea. Me too, at first. But if we use common sense, who’s going to wear a white shirt on a ranch, especially to feed livestock? Again, you will deal with dirt, mud, and the livestock remnants. If you live on a ranch and feed the livestock for a living, you will not wear your best shirt. Only politicians do that. Do you know why? Because they feed the sheep just for the spotlight.

            Back to our second scripture reading, Peter didn’t get Jesus’ questions. That’s why Jesus asked him many times. Peter wants the spotlight, to be a martyr for Jesus with “I would die for you” energy, but that’s not what Jesus wants. Jesus wants Peter to live his life with “I would die for you” energy towards helping people, taking care of each other, and putting others first before himself. To die for Jesus is easy, but to live for Jesus, not for yourself, is another level of loving God.

            Last week, we learn there are three different ways to love God. Martha chose to love God in action, Mary chose to love God in contemplation, and Lazarus chose to love in silence. There are so many ways to love God. However, whatever way we choose to love God, we are always facing the same problem. Would you love God in such mundanity? Would you love your neighbor even if you do it unseen? Would you dare, instead of giving yourself to die, but to live, even if you feel that you have a worthless, dull, meaningless, and mundane life? Would you stay alive even if the situation right now is not what you dream of? To die for Jesus is easy, but to live for Jesus is something. Amen.