What Is in Your Heart?

I was invited to join a Rotary Club in the late '90s. My first question was: what is a Rotary Club? My presumption was funny hats, vests, maybe people with rules, rituals or do gooders who help build parks. But none of this was true. Well, the parks. kind of yes, but not hats. 

A group of business owners and professionals in our small Ohio town wanted to establish a breakfast Rotary Club. I came to find out, being a member of such a club wasn't cheap.  But I would be covered the founding members said.  There would be no dues for me and my breakfast would be paid each week if I gave the opening prayer.  Rotary is always opened with prayer.  Free breakfast at the local diner once a week, I could pray for that.

              In the early 2000s I once again found myself in a Rotary Club. Loved it.  No better way of finding how your town runs and who does what than sharing a meal once a week.  There are speakers, interesting speakers.  I learned a lot about trade corridors and authorities and industry simply by sharing a meal with 150 community members each week.

              About a decade ago I was asked to be the President of a club.  At this point I had served on many boards, so this was not a problem.  I knew how to run a meeting, keep a board on track, make introductions for speakers.  But I also knew not to worry, don’t be uptight.  The club was large enough we had a secretary who organized the meetings making my role very easy.  I gave Marcia fair warning.  I will not come to the lunches prepared, I will not come with any agenda, and I won’t worry about it.  A month into my presidency Marcia slugged me on the arm and said, “I thought you were joking.  But you weren’t.” 

              I didn’t worry about such things because for me the sole purpose of the meeting was to say the four-way test together.  The four-way test is series of questions a Rotarian is encouraged to use as a guide.  Is it the truth?  Is it fair to all concerned?  Will it build good will and better friendships?  Will it be beneficial to all concerned? I believed then and still believe now: if people who live together and work together and do business together, if they ask these four questions and are guided by the answers, if they do this the community is better.  When fairness and friendship and truth and common benefit guide you, life is better.

              The four-way test is a beautiful way to live in community. Fairness and Friendship truth and goodness those are needs of the soul.  How wonderful to be clear how we are to live together.

              What is my fair share?  I was asked this question by a new elder.  Mike was recently retired relocating to his hometown after spending his career in London as the fund developer for a high-end boarding school.  Mike was a mover and shaker, could work a cocktail hour like nobody’s business.  He was the sort of person who could ask you pass the salt or ask you for a million dollars with the same amount of ease. 

              He came to my office and said, “how much should I give to the church?”  He was taken aback when I said, “up to you?”  “What do the other elders give?” was his next question.  When I said I don’t know he was annoyed.  How could I not know what board members, elders, give to the church?  How could I lead the church not knowing this?

              What followed was a very interesting conversation.  I explained how much I appreciate his question and his frustration.  To be a Rotarian the dues are not what you choose.  The dues are the dues.  And many boards have an unofficial policy regarding how much a board member should contribute.  Serving on a hospital board did not have a fee to be paid, but there was an expectation of contribution made clear.  Not all the same, but all clear.

              I got it.  And most non-profit directors know the amount donors give. How can you thank people, how can you honor a donation if you don’t know.  A church though is different.  You need to find what is in your heart; you need to listen to the Holy Spirit; this is a place where we gain freedom from fear, where we overcome greed.  Such freedom is only found with grace, with gratitude.  Like love, generosity cannot be demanded or expected.  It must be a gift.  If I were to tell you what to give, I would be demanding what can only be offered freely.

              Mike wasn’t convinced.  Decades of work in fund development made him uncomfortable with “search your heart” or “listen to the Holy Spirit”.  Finding freedom from greed and fear was not a message he spoke when asking a donor to build a wing or endow a library.  Generosity yes.  But sacrifice, finding new life?  No.  He was used to people putting their name on a building.  No donor levels?  Just didn’t make sense.

              In the years following I found Mike to be a dear friend and a trusted resource.  I believe he came to see me as a pastor and a different kind of guide.  I know he did query some fellow elders to see if this “search your heart” was for real.  I believe his response when he found this was so, what he said was, huh?

              Looking back on the Rotary four-way test and the bidding I gave to Mike to search your heart, I wish I had this teaching of Jesus at hand, knew its power.  Give, render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and give, render to God what is God’s.  I wish I had navigated this teaching sooner.  I do, because what bobbed and weaved around us years ago is very straightforward in our reading.  What we owe, what is our fair share, our obligation, those are truly matters of ethics.  What we owe to each other, what can we demand and expect of one another this is the basis of our laws, our morays, our politics, not partisan, but in the higher sense the polis, the way we live together. 

              Consider April 15, tax day.  On the fifteenth of April you are not responding to a call to search your heart.  You don’t pay however much in taxes you feel called to pay.  Explaining to the IRS how the Holy Spirit has led you unto a tax-free life, this may not go over well.  Just a guess, really.  But a good guess.

              We can demand to vote; we can claim the right to speak; we can rightly seek restitution if someone takes our belongings who has no recourse to take them.  And yet, someone can come and take away our car if we do not make a monthly payment, evict us from our home if we do not pay the rent or make the mortgage.  All of these are matters of ethics, the rules and laws and rightful expectations we live by.

Sometimes ethics move beyond respect and becomes demand.  Yet, be it respect or demand, ethics are what we owe each other.  We are obligated to respect the right of each to vote.  We may not approve of their choice, their opinion, but we are not at liberty to silence them.  We owe each other respect.  Without this, everything falls apart.  Without ethics life is anarchy, madness, San Diego Padres winning a world series level of crazy. This is what Jesus means when he says, give to Caesar what he is owed.

Juxtaposed in complement is what we owe to God, our morals.  We are called to love, to believe, to trust, to honor, to reverence, to heed in a way beyond coercion.  Morality is ever a matter of choice born of freedom.  Moral freedom though is not whatever we make of it, it is a recognition of what is beyond us, transcends us.  An atheist may not enjoy the definition of morality is what we owe to God, but most atheists concede a transcendent, metaphysical order to things wherein love, joy, peace, patience, courage, compassion, these are in a place beyond us, where life is more than us. 

Marriage is a good way to distinguish the difference.  Ethically we have a few restrictions about who can be married to whom.  For the most part, people are owed the respect to choose their spouse.  Morality is more to do with the way in which you enter marriage, abide in marriage.  This is not something done with haste or with selfish motive, conceit or deception.  There is no law about marrying someone with false motives.  But such an act is a moral failure.  As much as you are able you must be true.  The respect we owe to love and friendship and a life of kindness and honor is not a law, but it is a moral mandate. 

If I had this distinction when Mike first came into my office, I could have said, your gift to God, your offering should not be seen as an obligation, a requirement, a duty even.  Such is what you owe to Caesar, not to God.  Hence, search your heart.  Your tithe should be an act of devotion, an act of love even. A moral question, a matter of courage, not obligation. Imagine giving a gift to a child on her birthday and when thanked you say, “as your father it is my duty to provide a gift to you.  I owe you this much.” 

There is also at the heart of Mike’s question a matter of degree, the desire for fairness, yes, but also the penchant we must get a deal, bargain, steal.  None of us wants to pay more than we must.  It is interesting to see places in the world where you must haggle.  Some people rise to this, love the negotiations, the back and forth.  Other blanche, just be fair, tell me what the price is, don’t gouge me.  All of these have ethical manifestations.  It is wrong to cheat, to sponge, to put forth a predatory price, to monopolize a market and provide unfair prices and wages.  These are matters of ethics.

And there is nothing illegal about being frugal or cheap.  Yet, such a way of living can be counted a failure in terms of the heart.  If you guard your heart too tightly, if you are ever withholding love or devotion, if you never risk the transparency of confession, giving your heart, this is a terrible moral measure.  The price is left unpaid.  If our mercy is ever conditional and transactional, it is not genuine. It is less than what is owed to God, to truth, to beauty, to goodness.

In the weeks ahead I hope you will search your heart.  To renovate this sanctuary for the years to come, I hope such a bold leap is done in the splendor of kindness, the depth of graciousness. May you never see it as an obligation or a fair share or a demand.  This is a moment to search our hearts and listen to the Holy Spirit.  What am I being called to offer from my heart?  What is my gift of love?

Is it fair; is it true; will it build friendship; is the grace for all?  These are great questions.  We should live these with our neighbors our friends our family, any and all.  We owe each other respect and we must abide by the rules and demands of liberty and justice for all.  No easy task.

What is in your heart; what is the Holy Spirit speaking to you; what do you feel called to do?  These are the questions of courage and compassion, love and most of all joy.  What is in your heart?  Amen.